Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
