i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
