i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
