wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
