Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
