she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
