I think I won the penis lottery.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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