It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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