It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I could make wine with my vomit
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
