I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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