hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
