That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
