Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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