Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
