Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
