This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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