long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
