oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
