marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
