yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It's just like the Real World with babies
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
