I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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