I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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