Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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