just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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