im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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