i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
