I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
NoShamevember. You game?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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