I could make wine with my vomit
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
