she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He has the fingertips of a God
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