If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
