Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
