it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
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