Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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