I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
