Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
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