The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
