We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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