I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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