No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
