I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
