4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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