Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
