Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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