No awkward lesbian experiences without me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
