He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
