can we get nightvision for the apartment?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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