hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
