My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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