Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
