careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
