So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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