My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
