I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
