Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
