He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
