Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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